My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
