I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
