Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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