he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
