He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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