I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
