are you so shy because you have an std?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
