so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
