i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
