I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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