I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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