what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
