Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So much rum. So many feels.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
