she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
