we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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