Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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