Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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