i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
