She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
