Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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