I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
