Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
only if we run a train.
done.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
