Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
