i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
