I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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