I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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