There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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