He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
