allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
