Your face is a jimmy john
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
