I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
