...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
