My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
