no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
