I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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