I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
there's paper in my vomit.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
