Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
