I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
