Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
