Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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