So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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