Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
