Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
