get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize