i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize