I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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