did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize