Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
