Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
