Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
