i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
