Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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