It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize