Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
