There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize