if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
