i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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