Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
