wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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