I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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