i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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