Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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