you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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