The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize