The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
you never un-have a 4some
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
