can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
