Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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