This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i think i just lost a toe
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
