I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
