I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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