I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
