Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
