people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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