even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
