I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
