i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
