I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
