so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
