i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
