Whod you bang
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
