ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
