i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
