It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
