Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize