Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
