mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
