Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
