I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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