Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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