just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
