then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize