We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
