Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize