Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
