They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
