is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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