there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
