I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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