I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
