Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
