I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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