Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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