I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
