I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
