I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize