went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
