I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
