nut hugger
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
