I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize