OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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