So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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