smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
