why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
