Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
