you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
either way he was missing a nipple.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
