As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
