My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
