My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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