Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
